So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
