That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
