grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
