sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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