I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize