She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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