Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
