home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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