I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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