JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
