My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
