I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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