Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
