When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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