apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
