I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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