Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i think im in europe. pls send help
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
