I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
