Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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