I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
