I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
