omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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