Don't make out with my wife yet
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
