dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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