It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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