we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
