forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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