Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
