People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
