You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
