i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
