I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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