i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
