but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Randomize
