Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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