i was rollin on her like bob the builder
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
