Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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