i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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