guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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