Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
3pm strippers are depressing
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize