i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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