Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
