I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize