I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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