So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
