does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
