I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
