I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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