So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
