Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
