I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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