sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
