Someone shit on the floor
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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