Welp...herpes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
