my mouth tastes like poor choices
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
