I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
