just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
my liver is dry heaving
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
