You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You need a sexual gate keeper
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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