I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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