Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize