it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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