I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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