i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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