If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
