Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
