how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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