The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
