When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize