just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
