well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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