I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
