Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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