My liver just broke up with me...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
