I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
