is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
