i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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