Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
