Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize