I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
